Nausea Smausea!

As my 'off meds' week quickly ticks away I'm still trying to figure out how to conquer the nausea I feel when taking my chemo pills.  On my off week I feel sooooo normal, if that's possible, that it reminds me of how I need to find the right remedy for my nausea. 

Nausea affects me more than I realize sometimes.  It's possibly that the feeling that you are about to...

Really doing what you're doing.

Can you see the bees in the picture enjoying my lavender?

That is, really concentrating or focusing on the task you are doing at the moment. It is a gift we can give ourselves so we can reclaim our life rather than just living for our vacations or the other 'special' time when everything will be 'perfectly arranged' to bring on the those hoped-for feelings of inner peace and serenity.  Of course it hardly ever works out that way anyway...

'One' interesting day...in a good way.

The following is a summary of a forum we attended.  Please don't take this as our opinion but just information that we are passing along to you. ;-)  FYI - disclaimer

Today Ray and I attended a Cancer Forum sponsored by the BC Cancer Agency at the swanky Westin Bayshore. We were anticipating lots of books for sale and info booths...there was nothing like that.  I thought there would be lots of wigs and baldy's...

Black and white. What happened to gray?

We all at sometime fall mindlessly into black and white thinking.  It makes us feel better, more secure, but it is also hugely blinding.  This is good.  This is bad.  This is right.  That is wrong.  We are strong.  They are weak.  We are smart, they are not.  She's a peach. He's a pain.  I'm a wreck. They are nuts.  He'll never grow out of it.  She's so insensitive.  I'll never be able to do this.  It's unstoppable.

All of these statements are thoughts...

I wonder if I will get angry too?

Today was my last class of Mindful Meditation.  ohhmmm [just kidding] I still have to do my 'silent' day which is when the class goes into the Cancer Clinic on a Saturday when it is closed and spends 5 hours in silence.  We are given tasks to do, but are not allowed to talk to each other.  It will be hard but I can imagine mind stretching.  Hey there's a new term...'mind stretching'!

When you visit the Cancer Clinic often you learn very quickly how positive and wonderful the nurses, doctors and staff are there. Another thing...

The grass gets greener when you take it out of the bathtub!

Its not the kind of grass you're think'n of!!! Its Wheatgrass.

I think we've finally figured out the right formula for making me this superfood.  Why would I want to eat grass?  Its loaded with natural vitamins, minerals, chlorophyll and enzymes which feed your cells and help get rid your body of toxins! Boy was that made for me or what!

All I needed was...

What's wrong with 'one' quiet day?

Today was that...a quiet day.  Working on my daily routine of getting well, trying a new recipe for healthy gingersnap cookies and then continuing to design a new hat for myself.

I used to feel that I needed to accomplish something EVERY day.  What does that mean...

Let the clouds disappear and the sun shine! Hallelujah

Oh my gosh...how sweet it is.  To have my brain starting to work again, my energy back and the nausea subsiding.  Woohoo.  But there is one side effect I must let the world know about.  This is a side effect that rarely is written about in books, they give you no idea of how extreme it will be or what you can do about it.

Ray is repulsed by it...

Getting in touch with the inner Diva?

I never considered myself a Diva.  A drama queen maybe, but NOT a Diva.  But now...boy am I becoming 'one' special Diva.  Honey, can you get me this? Honey, can you get me that? Water please ;-) I need a snack.  Although I'm thinking that being a Diva means you look pretty special.  Well I guess I look special in my fleecy moo moo, white gloves, fluffy slippers and blonde/grey spikey hair. 

So what is a Diva?...

I love gardening but will the digging ever end?

Yep just when I think I've dug deep enough to figure things out, its time to start a new hole! LOL.  Yesterday was a Day 6 day for me.  Meaning that usually around Day 6 of my treatment I get a sore throat, sound like a man when I talk, constant trips to the biffy [TMI?] and I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep.  A nice change from the non-sleepy version of me. 

As usual when I don't feel A-1 I start over analyzing how I feel.  Trying to dig deep to figure out why I feel this way.  I can't just leave things alone...

Getting used to the person in the mirror.

When things in your life change beyond your imagination you start looking in the mirror at a different vision.  A stranger actually.  As the transition happens from the old me to the new me a person needs time to adjust the vision to the stranger in the mirror. 

Today was a day of starting to see the new person...

Getting out of a human autopilot is NOT easy!

What is a human autopilot? We've all been there, driving to a destination, knowing where we are going and without realizing the passing of time we are suddenly at an intersection or close to our goal and can't remember how we got there.  I get scared at first and wonder if I stopped at all the lights, saw every pedestrian and how can my mind get sooo distracted that I wasn't paying attention to where I was.

Life seems like that to me...

Sleepy...so Sleepy

'One' thing thats developed during my chemo is the inability to sleep.  I awake on average about every hour to one and half hour, then its challenging to get back to sleep.  The first 24 hours seem to be the hardest.  The fatigue sets in and you are exhausted but your brain is going all over the place.

I started a mindful mediation class a few weeks ago and it has helped me get 'some' control over my mind.  The course was nothing like I expected it to be...you know, sitting cross-legged on the floor with my eyes closed say ohmmmm ohmmm. ;-).  Nope not at all...

'One' good day!

Did I say good day...no I mean GOOOOOD day! Its hard to believe that with colon cancer you can have amazing days but today was 'one' of them for sure.

This 'one' will be hard to keep short.  Today was the first day of my 4th chemotherapy treatment.  The anticipation of the 3 to 4 hour IV and the process of beginning the pill taking, worrying about the first 24 hours and being rushed to the hospital for the allergic reaction gets me a LITTLE moody. Poor Ray ;-)

Before it all begins at the clinic you talk to your chemo nurse about how your levels are doing to ensure you can continue with your treatment...

Only 'one' tear?

Today being Remembrance Day in Canada makes me think of the 'one' tear that fell from the mother, sister, daughter and wife of many unforgotten fallen soldiers. That 'one' tear leads to so much more. Usually 'one' tear leads to more and more tears lead to gasping for air and then gasping for air leads to a sense of release.

Sometimes we are afraid if we let that 'one' tear release we won't be able to stop, we will loose control, we will feel a depth of pain we don't want to feel.  But a single tear can lead to so much more...

'One' CT scan

Well my hands are working well enough to sew on my hubby's buttons for my Dr's appointment today. No belly buttons showing please! ;-) We would hear today for the first time if the chemo treatments were doing anything. Neither my husband or I expected much.  I had only gone through 2 1/2 chemo sessions.  We wondered if there would be any change at all.  I can say wholeheartedly how blessed we are to have such an amazing oncologist.  She is honest, loves for us to ask questions and loves her job, that is obvious.

Usually when we go into the oncologist appointment we have a page of questions.  This time we only had '2'...