Today was my last class of Mindful Meditation. ohhmmm [just kidding] I still have to do my 'silent' day which is when the class goes into the Cancer Clinic on a Saturday when it is closed and spends 5 hours in silence. We are given tasks to do, but are not allowed to talk to each other. It will be hard but I can imagine mind stretching. Hey there's a new term...'mind stretching'!
When you visit the Cancer Clinic often you learn very quickly how positive and wonderful the nurses, doctors and staff are there. Another thing...
I have noticed, since the very beginning of this journey, is how angry/resentful some patients seem to become.
Some are that way right from the start and some develop into it. I don't want to put people in boxes and I don't mean to, but its definitely noticeable. They have a need to tell you all the bad stuff that has happened to them and they are not interested in your story. I am sympathetic but I hope that in time I don't acquire this anger people have. I know they aren't angry at me, they are angry that they have the disease and that it seems to take over their lives. But again, I wonder if in time I will too become angry, fed up, unsympathetic to others and disgusted with the disease.
I have noticed, since the very beginning of this journey, is how angry/resentful some patients seem to become.
Some are that way right from the start and some develop into it. I don't want to put people in boxes and I don't mean to, but its definitely noticeable. They have a need to tell you all the bad stuff that has happened to them and they are not interested in your story. I am sympathetic but I hope that in time I don't acquire this anger people have. I know they aren't angry at me, they are angry that they have the disease and that it seems to take over their lives. But again, I wonder if in time I will too become angry, fed up, unsympathetic to others and disgusted with the disease.
Perhaps its because I'm really a newbie to the 'cancer' forum. Perhaps I haven't gone through enough yet and can soooo look forward to lots of fun in the future. Maybe I'm the wierd one and I should already be angry. But I sure hope that I always have time to listen to others, can communicate my story with a sense of hope and optimism and don't resent all the dr's and nurses that do their best to 'do their best' for me. All I can do is hope and ask you to remind me if I start to become that 'one' angry person. Remind me...ya hear?
OK but you're allowed to get angry sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI saw those people too. Those and the ones who tell you their story like you have no idea what they are going through. Even though you are both in the same place. It is possible to keep your spirit up if you allow all those Drs and nurses to cheer you up. They really do want to give you the best day possible. I don't think it's a given that you will get angry, it really depends on your outlook.
ReplyDeleteAngry, not angry, no judgement. I will be there, always, regardless of your journeys path. Everyone has private and a public emotions, I will accept whatever ones you share. You are, and always will be, loved.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is beautiful!
ReplyDeletePraying for you,
Cindy's pal Peggy