DAy 379 - 'one's' imperfections

I wonder why people work so hard to hide their imperfections?  I wonder who makes the guidelines that determine something to be perfect?  Is it the pictures that we see on the TV or in the magazines which fuels the image in our minds when something is completely perfect?

I went out bright and early this morning to do some long overdue weeding in my garden.  WOW did it ever feel good.  Yes, I enjoyed pulling out my imperfect weeds and leaving some in to.  It didn't matter that I wasn't getting ALL the weeds the only thing that mattered was how I felt inside doing it...

Day 378 - 'one' step to real growth, change and healing

Yep, I feel like I'm making progress again, at least I think so!  I seem to be able to catch myself before old habits become entrenched again. I have  noticed over the last couple days that I have felt scattered, a little impatient, stir crazy if you will.  My knee has been doing the nervous up and downs when I'm sitting and my brain is in a 'to-do idea' mode all the time.  It just didn't feel right...

Day 377 - 'one' thing on my plate

Today I find that my blessings are numerous but one thing especially sticks in the forefront of my mind.  It's how much I admire the strength I see in others.  These are people currently who are currently dealing with not one, two but three or more challenges in their life at one time.  Here I sit with only one challenge that I devote 24/7 to and I see others that move from one challenge to another with such ease and determination.

How is that some people are given such endless trials in their life, just as one thing starts to settle another issue comes into their path.  But they meet each challenge with unaltered faith...

Day 376 - 'one' idea, two idea, three idea more

I've noticed my brain is trying to revert back to the 'old' brain.  Where I am constantly thinking about new ideas and all the things I want to do.  I really don't know if this is a good thing or bad. It's good I'm not obsessing about Cancer, it's good that I don't have the chemo brain fog, it's exciting to think of new ideas and opportunities but...

Day 375 - 'one' unpredictable life

Well I've tried to make my life exciting.  Even if everything was going nice and calm I would find some project or idea to stir things up in the past.  Not sure why, perhaps it's because I try to the avoid things, not think about things and just get busy, busy.  It's definitely not the right way to live but it worked for me...

Day 374 again - not 'one' but two stiffies

what?  hey that's not what I was think'n, get your mind of the gutter will ya?  more details on this one later. 

Well I guess I had to write another blog to make up for the venting I did this am.  You see the thing about blogging is that you need to be true, honest and up front.  Otherwise wouldn't you find it boring?  If the only thing I wrote about was all fluff'n stuff would you keep reading?

The 'organizer'

One of the many things...

Day 374 - 'one' angry conversation

My hubby still likes me even though
I plant stinky lavender plants

I had going in my brain this am.  I started my day with my usual routine and then ran across that video that talks about how the whole 'cancer' industry is a farce.  That all the dr's, researchers, nurses, governments, caregivers, technicians, etc etc  all over this world are just after your $$$$.  This comes from someone who is trying to sell you their DVD's, book and eating program non-the-less.  It gets me so angry to think that those that are supposed to 'love' you no matter what have decided that because I have chosen the chemo route they will have nothing to do with me...

Day 373 - 'one' interesting conversation

Lavender Lady fulfilling a dream!

we had today.  You know when your getting old when the conversation turns to how you would like your funeral to be.  Yep, that's one amidst the many conversations we had with Ray's brother on our trip today.  We talked about how funeral's are such a money grab and it takes such advantage of those that are grieving.  How crazy it is to spend 10 to 20 K on a funeral.  ahhh the simple way is the best way for us we decided. Crazy talk I know but it's always nice to know how someone you care so much about feels and I think it's important for each of us to do what the other wants...

Day 372 - 'one' BAD girl

that's what I've been! It seems that ever since I've only be able to eat room temperature food I am getting into an old habit of mine.  That is eating too much food that is NOT good for me.  Processed food, food with sugars, chocolate, non-white food, that sounds bad doesn't it.  I seem to be getting lazy.  I rarely bake or even spend much time in the kitchen.

The usual way I try to adjust my mistakes is to beat myself up, in my brain that is, and just give myself a general lecture...

Day 371 - 'one' big step forward

on another project today.  It's been a couple months in my brain.  But I've approached this one differently than any other crazy idea I've dreamed up. My priority list includes keeping my morning routine of journalling, exercising and reading.  Then it will not interfere with time with my family and of course my treatments.  I will be able to do it at home, when I'm feeling up to it and it will not cause me any stress.  Also it will allow me to have total control and help others who have cancer, at least I can hope. High expectations eh?  I thought having all those limitations would make it impossible to create.  But having those priorities in the forefront of my mind has created something that will work for me and those around me. 

I still have a couple months of prepping to do but I will let you know when everything is done...

Day 370 - 'one' pause taken

Yep that was yesterday.  Woke up and started my morning routine.  Let's see...e-mail - check, send orders - check, journal - check, read - check, tai chi - check, rebounder - check, breakfast - check, doggie walk in yard - check...hmmm now here's something new, headache - check. 

Well at least it started the day as a mild headache and by mid afternoon a wonderful migraine had set in.  Which usually I can manage but with my body not quite functioning at 100% it knocked me for a loop...

Day 368 - 'one' crazy mosquito

I'd like you to meet the mosquito.  He is every one's favorite insect.  They buzz around your head waiting to pounce on that open area of skin, hold on tight and then wham, bam and thank you mame they suck the blood right out of you. What are you left with? A small or big bump and a whole lot of itchy itchies. 

But what can you say for a mosquito that makes the mistake of sucking out my blood!  ah ha...

Day 367 - 'one' shortcut?

Yes it is a dream...but my priority is standing right beside me. 

I'm sorry to say there is no such thing.  As you get older and yes I am getting older...are you surprised, I think not. I see so many people trying to take shortcuts in life.  It makes me sad because there are no shortcuts, life is hard, we need to work hard to get the things we want in life and there is NO way of getting around that. 

I bet that's something you've never heard...

Day 366 - 'one' piece or two?

I just can't decide.  When it comes to eating these days my choices seem to be few and far between.  Everything tastes like metal, now doesn't that sound yummy.  I can't seem to get a craving for any food in general.  Boy that sure doesn't sound like me does it?  I try to cook and either I burn it or it just tastes nasty, well I guess that's not unusual.  At least some things haven't changed.  Yeah!!!!

The last couple days it's been quite a feat for me to pull myself out of bed.  My energy level is at minus 10...

Day 365 - 'one' way to beat cancer

I'm sure we've all heard the saying 'there's more than one way to skin a cat' ewwwww.  But what it means to me is that there are many ways of doing one thing.  When people say to you that 'You're going to beat this thing' usually it means that you will beat it by becoming cancer free.  But there are many more ways to beat cancer than just a cure.

When cancer becomes part of your life or more like your life you learn very quickly that in today's world it is very common to have cancer come and go throughout your body, different kinds and at different times...

Day 364 - 'one' lesson or two

Everyday seems to be a day where I learn more about myself and what I need to do.  I thought that today would be a day of more energy and getting things done.  But last night presented itself as sleepless in Delta.  I was still optimistic about my energy level when I got up today.  I even ventured out to take Mr. Dudley for a walk, something I haven't done for a few days, poor guy. 

During our walk I felt like...

Day 363 - 'one' unexpected change

What I can't do...

I've had more than 'one' unexpected change over the past year that's for sure.  How did I react to it?  To each one it was very different because with each change there were new challenges I was faced with.  The hardest one was my ability to do as much physical work as I wanted to.  I always felt invigorated after a few hours of hard labour and I had such a feeling of accomplishment...

Day 361 - 'one' way do not enter

that's the way most people think about cancer.  They don't want it, it scares them and hearing somebody has it makes them feel sad.  If you asked me a year ago I would say the same thing.  But now not so much.  Crazy eh? 

I was think'n about all the 'ones' I've experienced over the past year, it's overwhelming.  Just the 'ones' in the last few days are amazing.  I only dropped 'one' number for my platelets, so I can get my treatment.  'one' great trip to the island.  'one' special friends visit...

Day 360 - 'one' weird side effect

I want this truck...only in purple!

yep that's what this is.  Just when you think you've felt it all, a new one comes along.  So this session my legs felt like rubber the first 36 hours. Right now if you look at my calves you will see the muscles moving all over the place.  Boy talk about weird.  I'm not sure if my muscles are trying to the get the heck away from all the wonderful chemicals going through my body but they sure are trying to do something.  What do you think?

Could this be my dad's old gremlin
Yep practical for a family of 7!

Chemo treatment today was routine...

Day 359 - 'one' of 149

Just dream'n, I'm only dream'n

holy cow! I just noticed that I have done a total of 149 posts...sheesh.  That's a lot of writing and a lot of reading friends and family have done...sheesh!

Well my friends it's been one year since my Cancer was found.  What a year it has been.  A year of self discovery and a whole new life for me and my family.  But I don't look at the past year and think of all the hospital visits, dr appts, drugs etc, etc, etc.  I look back and remember...

Day 356 - 'one' terrible word

Yep it's gray...and yep I DON'T care!

is it?  It really is interesting how people change when they know you have 'C'...I'm going to start saying it out loud, cancer.  I'm no longer think'n that I don't want people to know because I don't want them to pity or feel sorry for me.  I have really noticed how people just don't want to talk about it.  Ray and I were discussing this the other day...

Day 350 - 'one' thing leads to another

and it's patience that seems to make it all come together and make sense.  But it takes time.  When you do something and don't understand why but look back later you get the ah-ha moments and the 'now I get it'.

My hubby gave me a kobo reader a while ago and I'm not much of a reader.  Used to love to read when I was very young but through time I've had a hard time remembering the paragraph or page I had just read...