Day 440 - 'one' more week

My autumn front porch.

I'm trying to be patient really I am.  Letting my body recover from the last type of chemo recipe is taking longer than I want it to.  Silly me figured out that within a week I would be back to normal.  I mean really? My body has been in endated with all sorts of chemicals over the past year and I think in one week it will all be gone and I will have my brain and body working at 100%...boy talk about having your head in the clouds! 

Sometimes having my head in the clouds is a good thing.  Too much reality can make me grumpy for sure.  My in-house dr...

Day 437 - 'one' day left

Yep that's what I'm giving myself.  One more day.  One more day not to think about how sick I am, one more day not to fill my body with every nutrient I can, one more day not to research all the natural remedies that are coming down the coo coo network! ;-)

My journey changes on Tuesday.  I will start swallowing my wonderful green juice once if not twice a day.  I will make a smoothie in the morning that is so full of 'good' stuff that my energy level will go through the roof...

Day 435 - 'one' roller coaster ride awaits

My morning tea hangout.  I especially like the rocker.
Of course no surprise, I am a granny you know.

There are many days that I just start typing this blog without even knowing what I have to say.  Today is 'one' of those days.  I feel my head getting clearer every day but to be realistic I would feel the same even if I was having my chemo treatment Monday because I'm not into the zone of being away from chemo more days than normal...

Day 434 - 'one' thin branch

would be very hard to balance yourself on.  But as lucky as I am I have a whole tree of strong, never bending, never breaking limbs that represent my family and friends.  Over the last year I have learned very quickly who is here to support me, encourage me and cheer me on.  I have also learned who can only think of themselves, use my illness to gain sympathy and those who don't even want to be around me because of the decisions I have made.

When you get sick you start to build this enormous trust and dependence in those strong branches.  You even find out that no matter how many things you ask them to do for you that they want to do more...

Day 433 - 'one' new curve in the road

Look who decided to show up...the OLD me!

is what we've found.  Our visit to my oncologist went well.  Some people wouldn't say that but we do. We were unsure how everything would go but I needed to talk to her about how I've been feeling the last few weeks and to discuss the upcoming treatment on Monday.  

One thing I knew for sure was that if I went to the upcoming treatment as scheduled that I would end up in the hospital and they love to keep you there once they get you! LOL  Staying in the hospital for awhile was not something I wanted to do, I would rather be at home...

Day 431 - 'one' getting powered up

As you noticed there has been a slight gap in my blog for the last few days but when you can't even find the energy to sit at a computer and type...let's say it sucks!  But as I said I think that each day will get better and this morning definitely is.  To wake up with almost full brain power and my body not far behind feels amazing.  I am so lucky that I actually get the chance to feel better for a few days...

Day 430 - 'one' challenge a day

And the tent comes down...

It's been a difficult week.  A week of just struggling to get up, especially the last few days. Chemo treatment started out well but after I removed my gizmo it was unfortunately all downhill from there. 

Men at work!

There have been days again where it takes everything I have to pull myself up to walk and there have been days that staying horizontal has been my only choice...

Day 427 - 'one' more change

Building the steps to the new shed.

Today will be a day of change, not big change but removing a building that I have used for 10 years to create many things.  A pirate ship, wooden buck wagons, wooden garden wagons, a general store front, a city hall front and even the engine for a train.  I will now do smaller projects but I will have an area of my back yard to wander in the mornings...

Day 426 - 'one' season to another

Movie stars? Yep!

Well it's been an odd couple days.  Things feel very unsettled.  The weather, life, relationships, and various projects.  I know that the first few days after chemo are usually that way.  I just don't know what to do with myself at times.  But onward we trudge through dr.'s, tests, questions, phone calls, needles, and trying to keep a positive outlook on things. 

It's interesting watching the change of seasons...

Day 423 - 'one' temperature you can't ignore

My guy looks terrific in purple!

It's been a busy day.  Chemo first this morning, home for a late lunch, out in the back yard a couple times to keep things moving along.

When we arrived at the clinic for my treatment unfortunately my blood tests had not arrived so they were searching for that.  Also Ray had even suggested I put my blood test results in my blue binder that I take with me to the clinic and I forgot, poop.  Then I started to tell them about my fever all week and my quick visit to the Ladner emergency room...

Day 422 - 'one' full hourglass

Little Halcie

I was thinking about the hourglass timer this morning and wondered how it would look for my life? The first thing I envisioned was how full the bottom part is already.  I actually don't think it really started filling fast until I met my hubby.  Until then I was just growing, learning and preparing for adulthood.  But nothing prepares you more for life than living it, no matter what you read in the books!  I have met many a university scholar that thought they knew all about life until they actually took some time off learning and started living...

Day 420 - 'one' moderately hot chick

Yep the fever is still visiting.  I actually got down in the 37's yesterday woohoo, mind you last night I hit the 39's again and felt yucky. 

The Dr. called yesterday following up on my emergency visit.  Actually it was my regular Dr.'s replacement as she took a week off to take her oldest one to kindergarten.  She asked me lots of questions and then started telling me about tumour fevers.  Tumour fevers happen when a tumour on your liver or kidney is doing something.  I asked if I would have it all the time now and she said possibly...

Day 418 - 'one' decision made

It's been an odd last few days.  My fever comes and goes but at least I haven't had to make a run to emergency again, woohoo!  I spend a lot of time just laying around waiting for energy to make its way back into my body.  I'm soooooo disappointed that this is how I have to spend my week off, sheesh! 

A package arrived yesterday from a fellow cancer conquerer.  It's always great to hear how others are doing...

Day 416 - 'one' hot chick

that's what I was tonight.  I took my temp after getting up from a nap, I just didn't feel right.  Very weak.  My temp at that time was 38.5, crap that's the temp that they ask you to go to the hospital with.  We thought we would give it another hour and see if it goes down.  I had the chills by this time.  An hour later and my temp was 39.2, crap again...

Day 415 - 'one' tell all fire

I am so grateful for my Ray.

Yep...I had one of those the other day. That is, a fire that is more than just the BIG flames that I saw.  Not that big of flames, I'm just adding some drama.  Although my hubby may argue that one. 

I started my day as normal, you know, my morning routine of hot water and lemon, writing in my journal, doing my tai chi etc, etc, etc.  A small part of this routine is lighting candles on my desk.  I used to have one candle but then I added a couple more because each candle represented 10 years of loving life ahead of me, so 3 candles meant 30 years, if you didn't already figure that one out I thought I would help you. LOL

In the middle of my routine that morning the phone rang so I got up to answer it and then Ray arose from bed etc, etc, etc.  Well...guess what I forgot to do.  Part of this story is that the candles were in a beautiful wooden candle holder that Ray had made.  So...when flames hit wood what happens?  Yep, you got it, we have fire!

I came around the corner and saw flames, big fat flames.  I ran up to it and yelled 'fire!'.  This is one of Ray's favorite words.  By the time you could hear the thud, thud, thud of Ray's footsteps, I had blown out the fire and white wax was splattered all over the table, my books and papers.  What a mess!

I miss my homemade yogurt.
I can't have any cold so yogurt is off
the list.  wahhhhh

The point of this story is not the fire, it's not the candle holder, it's what I learned afterwards.  The other day when Ray and I were playing our daily game of cards he mentioned that he was glad that I didn't replace the previous homemade candelabra with a new holder and candles.  You see, when Ray was young his family had a few fires and one did major damage to their home.  I asked him why he didn't mention it before and he said he knew how much the candles meant to me and didn't want to ruin it for me.  Yep that's my guy!

So we decided that I will find something else to use that doesn't use an actual candle or flame.  I really should not be doing an open flame anyways because of the prescriptions I'm on give me a tendency to forget things never mind my age memory problems as well.  Those candles don't mean that much to me that I want him to worry every time I light them.  After being together for so long you learn that a successful relationship is about compromise.  It's not about getting things your way or proving that you are right, it's about each person's feelings being considered and a common ground being found for the issue.

ahhhhh my little box of goodies.

It doesn't work all the time but with the way our life is right now it's more important than ever that we spend time working things out right away and not letting them fester.  You see we can't waste time...not a moment.  We don't know how long we have together, nobody does, but we face that reality every day and we are grateful for that.  We are grateful that we know each day how important it is not to let the little things bother you, they still do, we do argue but we don't let it go on and on and on and on. 

So one little fire can mean so much more than just the flame especially if you don't burn the house down!  On the search we will go to find a solution that works for both of us.  But it means so much more than he didn't want to tell me it bothered him and that he finally told me it did.  Weird eh?

My tummy is still bothering me quite a bit, I may have to up my pain meds to make sure that I can continue to have fun and not let it hinder what I want to do for the day. Yesterday we went to an organic market in Burnaby and then we spent the time driving home stopping at a few garage sales, trying to get into another market and then we went out for lunch.  It felt so good just to take things as we found them and not do the hurry, hurry back home.  Yep we just enjoyed the time riding in the old comet and enjoying each other's company.  I'll say it again...you CAN gain time but you need to grab ahold of it and STOP and that's where you will find it.  Right under your feet, just slow down and enjoy it! Finding time is not about fitting more into your life, it's about stopping and enjoying time.  Here's wishing you find some time today.

signed 'one' flame less purple ladybug

Day 413 - 'one' impression I don't want to give

Travelling the high wire
of life...are we there yet?

is that when I put all the stuff on facebook and my blog is that I'm bragging about what I'm doing.  That would bother me to the core if people thought that I was doing that.  I just get so excited when I get to do things and love to share my excitement with people.  But somehow I need to make sure I'm not trying to be better than anyone else.  I know I'm not, I don't try to seem that way and I need to change my writing style if it comes across that way...yep, some days are like the 'old' Victoria, let's see what should I worry about today. ;-) At least that grumpy lady from the ferry is WAYYYYY back in my mind now...

Day 412 - 'one' grumpy lady



Gramma's got smile dimples. I know,
I know, they're wrinkles but I like
dimples much better! LOL



no, no, no I'm not talking about me.  At least not today anyways.  It's been a day of winding down, doing some all important napping and sadly cleaning up the project piles around the house.  All the prep work is now a distant memory.  But I swear I've looked at the photos from our trip 3 times today and reading over and over all the wonderful comments that everyone has left...