Day 317 - 'one' of life's philosophies thrown out the window

is what I did yesterday.  All my life I have had the philosophy to get what needs to be done no matter how you feel.  I have continued that philosophy even when my gut tells me otherwise.  When I knew that things were not working for me at my jobs or relationships.  Stubborn is what I can call it I suppose...

Day 315 - 'one' tell it all photo

no...I'm not giving away Dudley!

I was just loading in some photos I took for some more goodies I'm giving away on craigslist and noticed a few 'other' photos that I hadn't seen yet.  These photos show a couple interesting things from my last chemo session.

One of the many things that I want to accomplish with my blog is honesty.  What things are REALLY like for me...

Day 314 - 'one' strange feeling

I've had that this evening.  The brain is working differently and there's a weird sense of calm inside...and then there's the different voices I'm hearing! ;-)  Scared yet?  LOL Must be the morphine right?

It's been a busy day... 

Day 313 - 'one' or more decisions

taking a needed field trip after a week of challenges.

The last week has brought some realities to its head.  This new chemo treatment brings changes that need to be made to my life. Not anything too serious but making these decisions helps me to continue to move forward in my life and feel some sort of control.

ain't he handsome?

For the last month I have not worked on my garden project outside...

Day 312 - 'one' day wasted!

That's what I did...I decided yesterday that I was feeling so good that I would try and reduce my pain killers.  dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb...did I say 'dumb'?  Perhaps a more appropriate word is 'stupid'! ;-)  You know the rest of the story...

Day 310 - 'one' word isn't enough

to describe the last few days.  Ever since the wonderful new chemo juice started pumping into my body it has knocked me for a loop.  Sometimes you just have to succumb to what the body requires.  And for the last few days all it has wanted to do is sleep, sleep and more sleep. 

Ray and I went to the training for removing my pump on Wednesday and everything was going pretty good.  My nausea was taking hold though, the bucket had to be close at all times.  I even showed up at the hospital for training in my slippers...

DAy 306 - 'one' more trip

this week to the hospital.  Today I will get training in removing the pump from my 'Cathy'.  First I will get to try it on a guy named 'Chester' and then on myself, woohoo! 

Everything is working well.  The pump is pumping, my energy is lessening, my ice cream bucket for puking, my pills for taking and my hubby for slaving...

Day 304 - 'one' extra appendage

Doing some reading in my favorite place...I was out there
until midnight last night.  Won't be doing that anymore
with the cold air...

Yep that's what I have for just a couple days every 2 weeks.  It even has a male name...Baxter! There are days as a woman that I have stated 'I wish I was a man' but I can truthfully say that having something dangling between your legs and getting in the way of your thighs can be an issue! ;-)

I hope that made you laugh because it sure made the chemo nurse...

Day 300 - 'one' personal disease

Yep that's what cancer is.  When I started this blog I had hoped that it will help others, in which way I wasn't sure.  I've learned over the last few months that it seems to help people in many different ways. Some people it helps them to keep informed about my progress and treatment, others it shows them what protocols I am using so they can compare it with theirs, others they find it just interesting to read.  But for me it has also helped me personally in many ways. 

There are times I think about stopping it because it opens the door to criticism from others as to how I am handling things and negativity is NOT something I need to have brought into my brain I do enough of that myself ;-)...

Day 302 - 'one' thick skull

that's what I have...one thick skull.  Yesterday I decided that I will try and go without my little 15mg T3's and by 4:00pm I was doubled over on the couch saying a few NOT nice words! I keep think'n I can go without them, I'm one-tough chick and then I seem to remind myself weekly that it is just NOT the case. 

I keep hearing the words 'quality of life' I heard so much when I was in the hospital, gotta love that one. ;-)  It's just finding that bridge between my body and my brain...

Day 298 - 'one' wierd feeling

Yep...feeling someone reach down into your chest and neck is one weird feeling I might say! LOL They freeze you enough that you don't feel pain but boy do you feel everything else. 

My appointment was changed yesterday to be a couple hours later in the day due to an emergency they had.  That worked out much better because then Ray could sleep.  The only thing was now I was going without anything to eat or drink until 1:00 in the afternoon.  Doesn't sound too bad you say but I depend on little bits of food to keep the nauseasnous down and pills to keep pain down...so luckily they said I could have a light breakfast at 6am.  Again that worked out great, I could down a pain killer with 1/2 a smoothie, woohoo!

Abbotsford Hospital is soooo nice.  It's only a few years old and everything is so new.  There are no people lining the hallways in stretchers and no crowds of sick people milling around.  Beautiful hospital. 

First thing we asked them when we were put into a room was if they provide training.   This was why we went to Abbotsford.  Unfortunately they said 'no'.  So we are still going to have to try and figure out this puzzle.  I need to get trained on having the port by Monday before my chemo session...sheesh! We had a little training when they showed me what the port looked like...Ray said it looked like one of those toys that have the plastic ball at the end you squeeze and a little animal hops at the end of it! Funny guy.  It was a lot smaller than I thought it would be.  Yeah!

They needed to do an ultrasound to check that I had a vein in my right chest that would work for the port and that turned out good.  They explained how the surgeon will cut a 2 inch slit in my chest and create a pocket for the port and then a tube will go from that thing into my neck down to my heart.  ewwwww.  The doctor was great and came by to explain everything again and asked how my anxiety level was...what do you think?  I knew my mindful breathing would definitely come in handy for this one.

I walked into the surgery room hooked up to an IV pole that will give me some relaxing juice, LOL and they dowsed me with orange stain to ensure all was sterile.  I'm not sure how long that will take to come off since I can't have a shower for a couple days. ewwww again.  Well I could go on and on, all went well and I only needed the bare minimum of relaxing juice.  I did tell them while they were routing through my innards that saying 'opps' and 'oh no' is not a good thing to say when people can hear ya.  They were surprised that I talked to them the whole time during the surgery, but sheesh I needed to keep my brain busy!  When they said 'perfect' at the end I let them know that 'that' was the right thing to hear! LOL

Before you leave they give you a card with the port's serial number and details so that if you go to any hospital they know what you have.  Ray wished he had asked if we needed the serial number in case it was stolen.  Cracked me up on the way home. 

So there you go.  We have a new member of the family...her name is 'Cathy' - named after Port-a-Cath.  She will make my chemo easier and soon she won't be a 'pain in the neck' anymore. Real soon I hope!

signed 'one' weirded out purple ladybug

Day 297 - 'one controlling nut'

yep that's me!  I was doing some reading this morning during my 'me' time and I'm learning more and more how to help yourself when dealing with pain, frustration and challenges in your life.  One thing that sticks in my mind is that when you have issues in your life and you think you've lost control you've actually have the opportunity or challenge to have more control than you ever have.  It's when you can control how you react, feel and think about the situation you are in.

You see...trying to control others, impossible, trying to control the world...

Day 295 - 'one' move forward

yep...On Tuesday I get my Port-a-cath installed at Abbotsford Hospital.  Still sounds like car stuff, perhaps they will put me up on the hoist to get it done! LOL They do the training there too so that makes it easier than 2 appointments at different places.  Everything will go routinely I'm sure, a new learning curve for me, I hope I can remember everything they teach me.  Perhaps they will give me a print out especially for us old people to help us remember the important stuff!LOL

Yesterday was a busy day...

Day 293 - 'one' pain after another

see the train on the right hand side. 
can't wait to fill all the bare garden spaces with lavender!

yep...I'm getting tired of this.  My sore back that is.  whine, whine, whine...I know, I know.  But it's keeping me from doing the stuff I love and it's giving me brain thinking time and that's dangerous! Mind you a friend mentioned the other day that she has a sore back also and has been trying not to use it and a light bulb when off.  Imagine that, trying not to bend so you give a chance to heal...

Day 291 - 'one' awesome book

yep that's what I started today.  My daughter gave me a book called 'A Book of Awesome'...it's little stories about the wonderful things in our lives that can change your day.  Like when you are in a long lineup at the grocery store and another lane opens and you are the next in line...