Day 348 - 'one' choice or the other

I wonder why a negative attitude is shown more acceptable in todays society?  The other day I was sitting contemplating the feeling of negativeness that surrounds us when we are out in the world.  Perhaps it's just that I notice it more...perhaps it's because when I say good things about people they don't know how to respond.  I am not perfect, yes I get frustrated with people sometimes and the way they act.  But it's so sad that I see the negative emotions and comments are the norm and people are liked and accepted more when they complain, put down others and it is laughed at and enjoyed by others.  Why is it that...

Day 347 - 'one' powerful sense

enjoying the craziness of when we all get together

That's what a touch can do.  I thought about it yesterday when we had a chemo nurse for the second time.  She actually was the individual that gave me my first chemo session in my port.  I noticed the first time we had her that she liked to get really close and actually touch her knees to mine.  No...

Day 346 - 'one' more session

All decked out till Wednesday night.

Actually lucky number 13 is in progress.  It was very busy in the clinic today as it is a short week so they need to fit the usually 5 days of patients into 4.  It's usually interesting when there are others in the pod with you, you get to hear some of their stories and where they are in their treatments.

I have to admit that when I hear that someone is on their last treatment I do get jealous.  But then there are those that have been battling the disease of and on for years, not so much fun.  There was a young man beside us today that was joined by his wife and 3 little ones...

Day 345 - 'one' potato, two potato

All pretty again thanks to my helpers!

three potato four! Ahhh the games we play in our minds.  How we can take a simple thing, make it complicated, stressful and just take the fun out of it!  My hormones seem to be going crazy the last few days and melt downs seem to be a daily occurrence...

Day 342 - 'one' BIG cold chocolate milkshake

Yep, that's what I would like...one BIG cold chocolate milkshake.  I wonder why we always want what we can't have.  We obsess about it, crave it, dream about it and long for it.  As we start to get warmer days and I realize that I can't have cold beverages or food, I crave it even more.  Somehow room temperature water is not the same as sucking as hard as you can on a straw that's sitting in a frosty cold capacino or shake.  OK,  I  better stop talking about it cause now I'm craving ice cream! LOL

It is funny how the more we know we can't have something the MORE we want it.  For me it's probably been having land.  Land to garden, store stuff, build little cities, have big camp outs with the family, a go cart track, an ice rink, hold reunions and on and on I can go...

Day 339 - 'one' purpose

My sign out front.  It's been like this
for awhile.  I know I need to change
it but not yet...

for all this fun, I'm not sure if there is one. Is there? I've been struggling lately with such a desire to help others. I've been waiting for signs, moments, and direction for a year now.  Well almost a year.  It seems like a long time.  Especially for those of us who don't have a lot of patience.  Every time my brain feels like its at full throttle those nagging voices keep repeating 'what should I do?'  'what should I do?' I have learned how to control stress now, how to relax and live mindfully but that nagging voice never gives up...what should I do? what should I do?

I want the vision I have to be so clear. I have done lots of things in the past...

Day 337 - 'one' clear brain on the horizon

looking out from my world to yours...

I can see it...it's there, yep I can see it! Today begins the process of digging out of the chemo tunnel.  You know that tunnel that I go in for a few days and hide.  I do exciting things like sleep and then there's more sleep and yeah and let's not forget MORE sleep...

Day 335 - 'one' sad state

in my make believe world, making a hat can make a difference

when people use a situation to destroy property and hurt others.  I have such a hard time imagining the type of individuals that created the riot in our beautiful downtown Vancouver.  I can't fathom even being down there watching the devastation take place, its heartbreaking.  Then you see what the news stations are reporting about how the Canuck fans did all this just because we lost a hockey game...

Day 332 - 'one' kissy face!

We try to play at least one game of cards together every day. 
It helps to let out the frustrations when we can call
each other nasty names in fun!

yep, that's what I look like at times!  Tonight is the beginning of the side effects of my chemo treatment that will last at least the next 40 hours as it pumps into my body. The shakes, I have that before.  Needles and pins in my fingers and toes, there is more of that now.  Even when I get a spoon out of the drawer it feels like its frozen...

Day 330 - 'one' magic glove

Me and my Dudley snoozing

that's what I have is 'one' magic glove.  You will find me these days looking just a little different when it comes to working in the kitchen.  I wear one of those black winter stretchy gloves on one hand.  Why just one hand? That's what I need when grabbing things from the fridge or freezer.  You see with this new protocol I have to keep myself away from cold things.  If my hands or feet touch anything cold it feels like I have pins and needles in them.  If I breath in a sudden burst of cold air it will feel like my throat is closing up and I'm having a heart attack.  Now don't that sound like fun...

DAy 328 - 'one' fast appointment

Do you think my hat is big enough?

that's what my Tuesday appt was...one fast appointment.  We were out at the truck before it was even the original appointment time.  You see when things are going really well there's not much to talk about.  Well that's not true, the not much to talk about, we all yakked alot! 

We arrived early at the clinic because Ray gets nervous about finding a parking spot...

Day 326 - 'one' long awaited trip

This morning I realized that I hadn't written about my trip to my field of lavender which I call Lavenderville. It has been a struggle over the last year to get my hinney in gear and go do some much needed work and maintenance on the lavender. 

I remember when we went up last year in June, you couldn't see the lavender at all.  But what you saw was an amazing field of white daisies...

Day 324 - 'one' day to remember

and that's for sure.  What a blast it was to walk along Jericho Beach with family, friends and little ones! You couldn't have asked for a better day.  We all had fun finding the beach but once we did what a find it was.  I forget what a beautiful city we live in.  Surrounded by mountains and water and so much cultural diversity.  Of course enjoying the day had a lot to do with the wonderful sunshine that has finally decided to show up in the sky.

After registering the group of purple walkers we ventured down the trail with a great photographer in tow...

Day 322 - 'one' wonders...

why fear has such a large hold on our lives? Fear of the unexpected, fear of change, fear of loosing something and never getting it back, fear of trying something out of our comfort zone, fear of being wrong, fear of letting the emotional walls down and so much more.  We keep ourselves inside our own 'fear' jail on a daily basis. 

There are days that there is nothing I can do about what my body demands of me and that brings fear that I won't be able to pick myself up again.  But I do.  Yesterday was not a great day...

Day 320 'one' quiet time

that's what the last couple days have been.  Days filled with pill popping, resting and snacking, but no pails! woohoo.  Getting double the nausea medicine by IV before I get my chemo treatment is definately doing the trick. 

Today Ray and I will take out my chemo bottle and needle in my 'cathy' port.  We did it fine at the hospital a couple weeks ago, now lets see how well we remember the steps. It makes me a little nervous but they say it will get easier each time you do it...