Yep just when I think I've dug deep enough to figure things out, its time to start a new hole! LOL. Yesterday was a Day 6 day for me. Meaning that usually around Day 6 of my treatment I get a sore throat, sound like a man when I talk, constant trips to the biffy [TMI?] and I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep. A nice change from the non-sleepy version of me.
As usual when I don't feel A-1 I start over analyzing how I feel. Trying to dig deep to figure out why I feel this way. I can't just leave things alone...
and say to myself 'well its just one of those days'...nope, not me! I need to fix it, figure it out, turn it inside out and well, pulverize it. Ridiculous. Trying to find something wrong with me, yep, ridiculous.
and say to myself 'well its just one of those days'...nope, not me! I need to fix it, figure it out, turn it inside out and well, pulverize it. Ridiculous. Trying to find something wrong with me, yep, ridiculous.
If I could just learn to be accepting of only feeling 50% then that would let my brain rest. So what do I decide to do about it this AM? Well if I can't figure it out...its time to dig even deeper, deeper into who I am and why I am. Again ridiculous! Good grief girl, LET it be!!!
I seem to be loosing my appetite a bit but perhaps its just I'm not obsessed about food. Don't have a desire to cook or plan food I just want to eat when I'm hungry. Which will not work for this stage of my chemo. You need to eat little and regularily to keep the nausea down. Lets see what do I feel like? nope, nothing. Gosh that is a strange feeling. Usually I'm two snacks ahead of myself planning what I will have next and then scouting out the recipe books for todays interesting evening nourishment after that.
I used up the last of my ginger tea this am so I will toodle off to the kitchen to create a new pot full. A bunch of slices of fresh ginger a BIG pot of water and 20 minutes later, yummy tea. And I shall NOT need to fix it, figure it out, turn it inside out or pulverize it, I will just let it be TEA! LOL. Thanks for checking in...
I hate to state the obvious but you probably aren't feeling A-1 because you have cancer, are receiving chemo and on top of that the weather isn't the best. I don't think anything you feel today requires a lot of analyzing. Just say "shit a bad day", and cry a lot. You'll be back to the kitchen before you can say shortbread cookies and in the meantime you're still the same young amazing you.
ReplyDeleteLove Brenda
Keep banking up that sleep, lady!!! You can be productive later. Love you Mom. Oh and if you figure out the whole 'let your busy mind rest', let me know the secret. :)
ReplyDeleteHave you heard of the law of attraction? It's as real as the law of gravity. What you think about is what you bring into your life, so please relax and live in the now. Think not about how ill you are but how well you will be, gratitude and humor are key so put on your favorite comedy, enjoy your wonderful family and let miracles take place. Lie if you have to till it becomes the truth. Love Julia
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