Day 317 - 'one' of life's philosophies thrown out the window

is what I did yesterday.  All my life I have had the philosophy to get what needs to be done no matter how you feel.  I have continued that philosophy even when my gut tells me otherwise.  When I knew that things were not working for me at my jobs or relationships.  Stubborn is what I can call it I suppose...
  But for the last year I believe this philosophy has done me more harm than good.  At least that what my tests results are showing me.

For the last year, I have pushed through belly aches, nausea, pain and 'general you should know better' situations.  Yesterday we downloaded my bloodtest results to find out that my blood work is now better than it's been in a year.  I was questioning why there is such a difference.  What have I been doing the last month that is different than I have been doing over the last year.

I haven't changed my food, my routine has remained the same or at least I haven't changed much in my food in the last month besides taking out seeds and nuts which seemed to irritate my tummy.  Yes, I've had a break from chemo but I had one in December the same length that saw my blood work get a little better but nothing like these results.  My white blood cell count is double what its been and triple the level it needs to be to receive chemo.

Then it dawned on me.  I haven't been working or hammering my 'BEEP' off in my yard.  I still go out and do gardening and get physical exercise but now I'm listening to my body and getting rest whenever I can and treating it like a treasure instead of ignoring its aches and pains.

Its a philosphy that just needs to be altered.  I can do creative, unique projects but for right now as I allow my body the ability to heal itself I need to acknowledge some of my limitations, notice I said SOME!  I still need to push myself to get my daily routine and food plan done.  I still need to work on projects that help others, I still need to be a wife, mother and grandma.  I still need to push myself to stay focused on specific goals in my life to feel that wonderful sense of accomplishment.

Some may say 'you're giving up', some may say 'I'm loosing a piece of myself' but neither of those are true.  I am actually finding myself and doing what's best to get better and at this time there is no bigger priority.  I am no longer AS scatter brained, I struggle each day to stay focused and moving towards what I need to do instead of what I 'think' I need to do.  My tests are showing me what I truly need to do and I am so glad a month ago my body forced me to make a decision that perhaps I wouldn't have made otherwise...see, everything happens for a reason.  The only thing I'm not doing is my hammering for hours, that's it.  So it's not much to loose really.  Just cause we LOVE to eat lots of ice cream doesn't mean its good for us.

So onward and upward I go.  Tomorrow is chemo day and the 2 week routine begins again.  I am grateful my body shows its ready to take on this next round of medicine and whatever it may bring.  Thank you body for all that you endure and for each day showing me what you need...you are now at the top of the priority list instead of at the bottom because without my health I have nothing!

signed 'one' step in front of the other toddler purple ladybug