Day 313 - 'one' or more decisions

taking a needed field trip after a week of challenges.

The last week has brought some realities to its head.  This new chemo treatment brings changes that need to be made to my life. Not anything too serious but making these decisions helps me to continue to move forward in my life and feel some sort of control.

ain't he handsome?

For the last month I have not worked on my garden project outside...
  I had a few more items that I wanted to finish and a couple more I wanted to build.  My back has brought new challenges and then adding the new chemo protocol even bigger ones.  I felt frustration each time I looked out the window at all the unfinished projects and my inability to pull myself together to get something done.  With much discussion between Ray and I we have decided that my garden project will go into the finishing stage.  I will fill the last corner with lavender instead of another building and more train cars.  Don't get me wrong, this is not a bad thing.  It was a great sense of relief as I think about filling my days with actually enjoying the work I have done and putting on the finishing touches.  I dream of walking out in the garden and actually enjoying pulling weeds and keeping it beautiful. Picking fresh flowers for my kitchen table and sitting on a chair and reading to my hearts content.  Boy, somehow that really doesn't sound like me but it WILL be. 

another bonus...12 lbs lighter!

I now have a sense of accomplishment instead of frustration.  I now feel a sense of relief and I can truly picture the joy I will find in maintaining and watching the seasons as they change in the yard.  It doesn't matter that the original vision was not completely accomplished, what I did accomplish makes me tear up with a sense of completeness and awe. There are a couple other projects I have decided to let go as well.  As I let go of those things that may not be possible for my body to do for awhile I see new opportunities for laughter, joy and time to relax.

As a matter of fact, I was feeling so good about the decisions I said to Ray..hey...perhaps I can do some driv'n! He laughed and reminded me of the pain killers that I'm popping every 4 hours and I in turn laughed as well.  How quickly you forget about the details when you start feeling well again.

So don't feel sad for me that the garden project will not have a complete train or train station but what it has is over the top wonderful and now brings a smile of amazement to my face when I look outside and 'that is a GOOD thing'!

I will continue to respond to what my life demands of me and the changes I must make to remain content, happy and grinning from the inside out.  What energy I have for the rest of the week will be spent on gaining strength by eating solid food again and then moving lavender plants from the back nursery to my side garden, moving the wood in my workshop to a more permanent storage location and selling 'other dreams' so new dreams can actually be created and realized.

signed 'one' changing purple ladybug and I ok with that