Day 339 - 'one' purpose

My sign out front.  It's been like this
for awhile.  I know I need to change
it but not yet...

for all this fun, I'm not sure if there is one. Is there? I've been struggling lately with such a desire to help others. I've been waiting for signs, moments, and direction for a year now.  Well almost a year.  It seems like a long time.  Especially for those of us who don't have a lot of patience.  Every time my brain feels like its at full throttle those nagging voices keep repeating 'what should I do?'  'what should I do?' I have learned how to control stress now, how to relax and live mindfully but that nagging voice never gives up...what should I do? what should I do?

I want the vision I have to be so clear. I have done lots of things in the past...
events for 1000's of people, marketing plans, education seminars, etc, etc but this time it's different.  I don't want cash, I don't want recognition, all I want to do is help people feel better about themselves.  But does 'the thing' I want to do focus on 'c' or do I do it in spite of having 'c'.  ahhhhh so confusing.  I want my decision to be concise, focused and with purpose, clear purpose.  I don't want to get distracted from its mission, I don't want to add things to it just because I can and unfortunately or fortunately I feel I can do anything if I really want to.  But what is it?

Dudley's wondering which path
we will take too!

Is it an event to raise dollars for research or is it an event to raise awareness?  Is it a support group for the Fraser Valley or perhaps an online discussion forum for people with colon 'c' from all over.  Or is it perhaps just a day once a year to sell lavender buds and plants and send the money directly to scientists who are trying to find an easier way to detect this 'c'.  Because if they could detect this disease by just a blood test or urine sample it would probably be almost extinct in a few years...image that! Or is it a book, video, blog...ahhhh or perhaps its just to continue as I am making hats, perhaps more hats, better hats, and on and on I go.

I hope you don't mind my rambling but I've been working this out in my brain so much that I decided that its time to ask others.  Sometimes you are so close to something you can't see the forest for the trees or the nut hanging on for dear life! LOL

This all comes to the forefront of my mind as I woke up this morning will full brain power and body power as well.  It is really quite predictable now that in my second week of chemo is my productive week for sure, as long as I continue to take my pain and nausea meds its all good!

So the dilemma continues and it may for quite awhile yet but I'm sure that when the 'right' purpose comes across my path there will be no question.  It will allow me to have my 'down' week and take care of my family which always comes first.  It will allow me to help others in some way and it will keep my brain engaged and challenged when it is in full power mode.  But there IS something...I know it! I feel it!

So what do you think?  Yep, I agree...I'm NUTS!  =0)

signed 'one' looking for a purpose purple ladybug