Day 254 - 'one' thing lost...

so much gained.  Life is to say the least interesting these days.  Many things are forced on me even though I would choose another direction.  One of those things is driving.  I SOOOO miss it...
  The independence of getting things done when you need them done.  I don't like monopolizing other people's time to do the routine tasks of groceries and errands.  But I've learned a lot by this forced change.

I've learned that I should let people do things for me even though to this day I find it soooo hard.  That even getting groceries and running errands can be fun with the right company.  I've learned to go more with the flow of the day instead of trying to control every moment.  I've learned how creative and happy I can be without having to determine where I need to go during the day. 

Not until we have lost something do we realize the loss was something we needed.  I needed this.  I needed to concentrate on home and feeling good.  If I was driving still I would running around every day and not being the person I want to be.  You can move on with your life, even without wheels.  Without wheels I concentrate on enjoying the day, doing things for others and taking care of myself. A month ago I was angry because of my loss of control and now I am grateful to learn that having a car is not necessary to being happy.

I remember well the saying, not until we have come to the end of the road do we begin our true journey.  My journey down a different path started in many different ways over the last year and I anticipate there is more yet to come.  But not driving was a good decision for safety reasons and the right one for me. 

When I was a kid I used to dream of flying...flying away.  I didn't need a drivers license then to escape the craziness and I have learned I don't need it now.  All I need to do is wonder outside in my garden and realize that everything is good.

I know that I will drive again but it will be a more concentrated effort to only use my van when I need to.  Not to avoid doing things, not to entertain myself but to go see friends and family and NOT much more.  I enjoy doing so many new things with Ray that it does surprise me.  He has changed more than a person could imagine in the past year.  Right now he is in the kitchen making yogurt.  He enjoys getting groceries with me and running errands, we work together to get it done and laugh and giggle at the craziness around us.

Today has brought a surprising return to my nausea.  We phoned the nurse line and they suggested I add multiple doses gravol to my daily routine...so far it's not too bad but I really don't want to get to you know, the barfing stage.  Been there, done that, no thanks. But if that's my worst complaint it sure ain't much!

So try not to think that when life changes life ends, it just brings you down another path to finding out who's under all the hustle and bustle out in the world that we get trapped into.  You will be amazed at the person you are when you just slow down and let life take you where it needs to and you listen with your heart and not your head.

signed 'one' grounded and lov'n it purple ladybug