Day 384 - was this the 'one'

You know, the appointment with my doctor where she tells me they can't find any cancer.  Was this the 'one' where the doctor tells me things don't look good.  Was this the 'one' where the doctor tells me, WOW what have you been doing everything has disappeared...
  Those are the things that go through your head when you know that you can't pretend that cancer doesn't exist and the results of a test will tell the true story.

Today it was 'one' appointment that kinda left ya hang'n, filled with mixed emotions and trying to absorb everything that was said. 

The results of my tests were mixed as well.  My tumour marker showed a slight decrease in numbers, so the doctor said it wasn't enough to really say 'it was down' but enough to say the it showed everything to be level.  The CT scan showed something quite different.  My tumours seem to be increasing in size, not in number she said, but in size.  She hasn't received the radiologists written report yet but she looked at the visual image of the CT and could see a marked size increase. 

We will be receiving the radiologists written report as well probably within the next 7 to 10 days, so I'm sure it will be interesting reading.  Interesting? that's a funny word to use for sure.

What does all that mean? Well we are looking at shifting my chemo to a third type of protocol.  But I need to get tested first to determine if it will even work.  You see some people have abnormal tumours and some people have normal ones.  If I have a 'normal' tumour then the third protocol will be an option but if I have an abnormal tumour with specific DNA the third protocol would be ineffective.  Exciting eh?

So they need to perform a test on a section of the tumour that was removed last year.  Yep, you guessed it, somewhere in the bowels [LOL] of Surrey Memorial Hospital there is a room full of tumours kept from the surgeries performed there.  ewwwwww.  Grossed out yet?  I'm lucky in the sense that most people don't have a significant size of tumour in the 'tumour vault' to get the test done but since I had surgery one exists that they can use.  Yeah! I think.

So they will run the test and it will take about 3 weeks for them to determine if I am a candidate for the third type of protocol.  ahhhh waiting...yeah again.  I will continue on the current chemo recipe until the results are determined and then I will meet with my doctor in 5 weeks to discuss my options.  Options??? My doctor is not convinced yet that the current chemo I am on is not working but the CT scan and tumour markers contradict one another.  But she is getting things ready in case I need to make that switch quickly, yep, she's good doctor for sure. 

How do I feel about this? A little of everything.  I'm trying to let it all sink in.  I didn't expect to be switched so quickly to a new protocol but whatever will be will be.  Oh yeah with the new protocol my looks will change dramatically, picture this...a bald old lady with zits and constant running to the toilet.  Yeah, that's sounds like fun doesn't it.  Sorry, still a little on the fence about this one. 

There you go, there's are the results of my dr. appt.  Not too exciting but we are moving forward? sideways? backwards?

signed 'one' trying to absorb it all purple ladybug